Hi Nash,

Glad you responded to my post. I'm sorry if I came down a bit hard on you - I was probably being unfair. I'm kind of sensitive to the "double standard" between men and girls - like when a man sleeps around a lot he's "cool", but if a girl does that she's a "slut". But in this case you are probably right - it isn't that big a deal for man to go to a strip club and pay to watch girls get nude, but it is a big deal for a girl to be a dancer and get nude for money. I can see why you think it is ok for you to watch the girls but not ok for a "good girl" to sell her body like that. I made it sound like they were equal but they aren't really. A man going to a strip club just for fun isn't as bad as a girl stripping just for money.

I felt really ashamed the first time I danced. Like I said, it was my 18th birthday and I hadn't done anything like that before. But I got more comfortable with it and now I really enjoy it about 70% of the time. 25% of the time it is just ok, and 5% of the time I hate it. But that would be true of any job I figure, and the money is just so good - much better than I could make doing anything else.

It does affect my psyche, but after awhile you get used to it - you just have to learn to think about things differently. Before I had this job, one of the main ways of being intimate with a guy was to let him see me naked and to touch my body all over. Now scores of men see me naked all the time, and maybe a dozen per night touch me everywhere (and more sometimes, in the V.I.P. rooms). I still really enjoy doing that with my boyfriend of course, but "intimacy" tends to mean other things - like sharing what I'm thinking about. No matter how much I pretend to be into the men at the club, I make sure they don't really know me at all. Almost everything I tell them about myself is fake - not for safety reasons (although that is important) but so they don't really "know" me. They know in great detail what my body looks and feels like, but they don't know me - my personality, my dreams, my thoughts, etc. Usually it's the other way around - you get to know the girl's personality (at least a little, unless it is a drunken one-night stand) all the while thinking about how much you want to see her nude and to touch her. It used to be letting a guy get to know my personality was no big deal, but letting him see my breasts and my pussy was a big deal (and getting physical with him was a huge deal). Now it is the other way around - getting nude and physical with a man isn't a big deal, but getting personal and emotional with him is. (I should have said getting nude and physical with a man IN THE CLUB isn't a big deal - it's not like outside the club I always get naked and have sex with guys on first dates or anything.) So "intimacy" tends to mean different things than it used to. So men I date are okay with that, some aren't. Which is cool - they have a right to feel the way they do. But if they don't like what I do - if it bothers them too much - I just end it, I don't drag it out. It's easier that way.

I understand what you are saying about "if she cares for me and she knows it bothers me, why won't she stop?" But look at it from her (and my) perspective. Just because our job bothers a man, why does that mean we have to give it up? I mean, if she were a vegetarian and asked you to give up your incredibly well-paying job at a chicken processing plant, would you? If someone in her family had died of lung cancer and she asked you to give up your very prestigious job at a tobacco company, would you? Besides, how will she make up the money she loses by quitting? Will you support her?

And it isn’t just about the money - I really do enjoy what I do. I like entertaining men the way I do, and it sounds like she does, too. I like the other dancers, I've got a great boss, the club is upscale with a generous and usually well-behaved clientele, etc. Would you give up something you really liked to do (hunting, watching sports, traveling, whatever) just for her? Maybe you would - I'm just asking.

Of course, I know I am being unfair again. Watching sports with your buddies is not the same as your girlfriend stripping and get groped by a bunch of strange men. I do understand how hard that must be. To think that the same physical things she does with you because she cares about you and likes you she'll do for literally any man who gives her enough money. But it is only the physical things - which if she has been dancing for awhile probably don't seem as important to her as they do to you. She clearly does things with you that she won't do with other men no matter how much they offer her. I mean, she is choosing to date you, to spend time with you, to do all the other relationship things a person does with someone they care about. And when she does physical stuff with all those other men she does for one reason -because it is her job! As a way to make money to pay for her education. It is not personal at all - it is strictly professional. It is not at all the same as when she does those things with you. Even if she enjoys her job, it is still A JOB. She is not taking her clothes off for all those men because she likes them, or is attracted to them, or gets turned on by it. It is her job.

Anyway, I don't really know if any of that helps - I'm guessing you have been telling yourself the same things over and over. My advice would be to try as hard as possible to not dwell on what she is doing during her shifts, and just focus on what she is doing when you two are together. Give it more time and just get to know her better, and have fun with her (and not just the naked kind). But you can't be constantly thinking in the back of your mind "if we just get more serious I'm sure she'll quit her job for me". That's not fair to her. Either accept her for who she is right now - funny, smart, likes jelly donuts, a stripper, has a weird laugh, sweet, hates cats, can't swim, Yankees fan, etc. (in other words, the whole package, of which being a stripper is just a part) and decide you can handle what she does at the club with all those strange men - or end it now. You can always keep dating her and HOPE she'll quit, but if you expect it and wait for it things will almost certainly end badly. At least that has been my experience. I'm sure other people - and other dancers - would have different advice.

Sandy