Hi Sandy

I've given a lot of thought to this topic and ultimately one needs to know one's self in order to make a decision.

Your note was very moving. I recognize that part of what bothers me about strip clubs is cultural. It is embarassing that while men know that paying women to strip and give lap dances is wrong they are still driven to pay to be entertained this way because they can't resist the chance to see a beautifal woman strip.

The paragraph you wrote about changing your concept of intimacy made me really sad to read. Sad both for you and for the guys that visit you at the clubs. Ultimately you are both using one another for your own purposes and are both affected by the lack of honesty. The guys feel small watching you move on to another guy once you've taken their money and you recognize that you are changing as a result of your job. Maybe you are a little more hard as a person- you are no longer embarassed or ashamed as you were in the beginning, you don't let people into your head to get to know the real you. There is something wrong with a society that encourages this negative behavior by rewarding it with a big paycheck.

Anyway, I've concluded that there is no way I can cope in a relationship with a dancer. I'd rather be her friend (which won't happen because I'm falling in love with her) then be her man and try to share her physically with other guys.

Thanks for being open and responding so candidly.